A random rant.

Have you ever stood in the rain like really stood there. It's like everything stops and your just left there standing looking at clips of your life in a big screen. Speechless you can't help but smile and think I've made some bad decisions but I've made some pretty good ones. At the moment everything is clear and life seems simple and easy. This is a lie though life isn't simple and easy, although one moment may seem that it is. Life honestly sucks, as the human race were failing as wives, husbands, children, leaders etc. Were Hurting the planet we live in and the people on it. The majority uses the expression " it's because were imperfect." is this really necessary? Even if you don't have faith it's a fact that were imperfect but why should we use it as an excuse? My faith assures me we will be growing into perfection on a paradise earth in the future. But the reason I refuse to use the "I'm imperfect" expression is because one day I will be perfect and be given the choice to be loyal to God or not. So if I sin or decide to be disobedient to God, what can I say then. I can't say anything because I'll be perfect and I won't have an excuse. So it's pouring this time and the water is frezzing cold but a hint of warmth when it hits your body. Instead of pictures flashing through your head, silence is abundant. Your heart beat slows down and peace comes over you. Tears begin to Slide your cheeks and at that wonderful moment, hope is restored. There's a bright light at the end of The tunnel that wasn't there before. From that moment on things get better, there is no urge to cry or suffer. This is why I love the rain, I'm probably over analyzing it But there are moments when I've felt this way when a raindrop has fallen on me. it's crazy and hard to explain but I don't view it as sadness or despair. It's like a big hug and " your ok champ" From the universe. I love nights like these where all I hear is the raindrops clash with objects.

My bucket list.

1. Get baptized
2. Make it to Patterson( it's A school where you help with the orginazation work, such as publishing literature.)
3. Become a missionary.
4. Run through a cornfield at sunset.
5. Swim with dolphins.
6. Ride a horse.
7. Get married and have kids, preferably a girl and a boy.
8. Go And swim at the beach during the night.
9. Go to chile, Australia, Hawaii, africa and Alaska. (dream vacations and places where I want to live or help out in.)
10. Spend a whole day in bed.
11. Leave the Bronx. (I don't like the city I prefer the countryside.)
12. Meet my aunt in chile, and the rest of my family.
13. Save a life, doesn't matter if it's human or animal.
14. Take a photo of myself everyday for a year and make a fast clip of them.
15. Learn to play the drums.
16. Go on an epic roadtrip with close friends.
17. Have a water ballon fight in the house.
18. Learn how to change the oil and tires in my car.
19. Sleep on a waterbed.
20. Teach my son how to throw.
21. Teach my daughter how to play nice games.
22. Watch cartoons with my kids and still enjoy it.
23. Teach my kids to play the piano.
24. Pray for Angelica and manny when I can.
25. Lie on the road and rush to get up when a car comes.
26. Make it through college.
27. Learn to draw.
28. Learn to crochet.
29. Have a rocking chair or a porch.
30. Never do a blog again.

23.

Note to future self.

Most importantly I hope your faith hasn't wavered. You have had some struggles in the past but it's behind you. Continue to move forward and never look back. I also hope your happy and that your life hasn't become the opposite of your dreams. Lesson one never underestimate the power a person can have on you, including friendships. Never be prepared to offer the clothes on your back, to someone who doesn't really care about you. If this happens acknowledge that you need to change your outlook on this person. They will never live up to your standards. Which leads me into Lesson Two, you have high expectations of people, change that. Were all imperfect so stop putting high expectations on people. Lesson three you better have all the pets you always wanted, from dogs to ferrets. Go crazy and have a zoo in your house, but not lunatic like an animal hoarder. Lesson four you are one patient person so I hope as you age you gain more patience, your going to need it. Your family is crazy but you love them anyway, don't give up on them especially your dad and sister. You don't have the best relationships with them but never give up on them. You love them despite their flaws so continue to work on your relationships with them. Lesson five, stay true to yourself. Let yourself age gracefully. No matter what anyone says, wrinkles are beautiful. Never cut your hair unless it starts to thin then you can cut it. Lastly I hope you make it to Paterson and become a missionary, I hope you traveled around the world and If you haven't you have paradise for that.

What if?

I have the heart of a little girl, sometimes. So one childish thing that will always stick with me is fairy tales. I've always wondered who's my prince and when he will come for me. When things didn't work out between someone I always blamed them, and never wanted to see their faces again but I actually want to hug them now. It always crosses my mind what if? What if I had said yes or what if I pursued that blind date? What if I never gave up? And at the end of these thoughts I'm happy I can say nothing ever happened. They ended up with broken hearts, losing themselves or lost respect they had for themselves. I still ask what if? And I still daydream about my prince but the truth is I want him to take his time to get to me. I want him to be proud of me, so for now I'll continue to wonder.

So this is what happiness feels like!

Today this brother from a visiting congregation gave a beautiful talk. He described how prayer to Jehovah is necessary, and it's something we can't live without. It's a bond that we form with Jehovah by constantly praying to him. The watchtower study was amazing as well, it showed how even the perfect couple and israelites disobeyed God and it demonstrated how important obedience is in God worship. If you haven't caught it by now I'm a Jehovah's witness and I'm proud to follow him. Every day has its struggles but knowing that I have a close friend to pour out my heart to at night makes me rejoice. I know this is the right path and although it's all new to me, I can't help but have a peaceful mind because I know I've been blessed to be surrounded by my congregation. Their what I needed to realize the way I was living was tiresome and unfulfilling. I can't wait to start preaching the good news and to be baptized and live my life for Jehovah.

My dream home

I always dreamed of moving out of my moms house when I turned eighteen, I'm eighteen now and thoughts of that are coming up again. My relationship with my mom is better than it's been for years, I just have my reasons for wanting to leave. When I do leave I want something small and simple. Somewhere I can walk into and be myself, I want every room painted a diffrent color. So that everytime I walk into a room all I see is part of the rainbow and when I leave to go in another room I see another part. I would like a fire escape next to my window so whenever I need to escape the solitude I can walk on up to the roof and see the city thrive. This is one part of my dream home, the home I see in my dreams is one that awaits me in the future. I don't know when I'll be able to have the home of my dreams but I'm in no rush, I can wait. For now I'll just keep dreaming.

College life.

I think I'm finally getting used to being a college student. Once I attended my first class I thought this isn't for me and what does my future hold if I drop out of college? However I think I was just scared, I'm not that fond of change. Especially since all I did this summer was change, it's taken me a while to get used too but I can sincerely say I'm happy. I've come a long way since highschool and although I made some serious sacrifices I know there for the better. I can't wait to start the simple life I had always dreamed of. I know I'll get used to college life it will just take me longer than most students, I guess. However I'm just going for my education and that's it, I just need to keep my eyes on the prize and I know I will succeed.