Blah.

Memories are a funny concept really, you strive to hold on to a special time in your life. But without realizing it's slips through your very fingers. If not now, then later when life take's it's course into adulthood or the elderly stage. Or a memory that strikes fear in your heart and a running chill down your spine. Those memories never seem to leave your side, all the pain, sorrow and suffering follows you around but those memories worth holding onto slip away like dust in the wind. Lately I've been trying to remember, really remember fragments of my life. However even events that occured a year ago are difficult to account for. My childhood feels like decades ago, only little pieces I can remember. Like how every so often I would sit on the steps with my dad infront of our building, and I would always greet him with a sandwich. I do not remember what we talked about or any specific details I just remember those steps. Yet the trials he put me through will haunt me till the day I die. Or how I would play hide and seek in the dark with my cousins, how we laughed when every time they found me underneath the bed, crying because one of my cousins had a scary mask on. As I grew up I found comfort within them and a sense of security, I always told myself they were my best friends and will always be. Ironically I haven't spoken to two of my cousins in years and the other disspionments me on the spot by her actions. Even when I do remember the good times, they're stand still pictures. A glimpse of what was, it's never the full thing. Just a picture sliding by as if it's in a gallery. I do not know why I want to remember everything, but what puzzles me is that I can't. A mind can deteriotae so fast, in a snap of a second your memories beloved or not are gone. I guess if I were to have a fear it would be this, not being able to control my brain from eventually stop functioning. Life is viewed as short so the big suggestion is to do what you want and take risks, however why live a life your not proud of and be burdened with memories of those times. The brain is pretty amazing yet it isn't, at the end of life or right in the beginning of it giant trains stop us in our tracks. boulders crush our deems and fears overwhelm us consuming the very good of you. I have one memory in mind right now, one I wish I can take back all I can do is hope and pray the memory won't be relived through someone else in the future.