my resume

SUMMARY:

• I feel that I am qualified for this job because I have some experience. I also have a strong passion for this field and I am willing to learn all I can because I wish to pursue a career, in Wildlife biology.

PROFESSIONAL EXPERINCE:

RNH Volunteer House: Intern

• During my internship I performed many activities, such as cleaning up a local park of invasive species and replacing them with trees, I also had the opportunity to have teaching courses and participate in a job readiness program. I also taught elementary kids of what my group was doing and how they should give back to the earth, I later taught other interns who participated in different programs.

• I introduced a positive atmosphere, which helped my group because I was always eager to learn more and improve my working methods.

• My group was lucky enough to win the Silver award for Teens of Planet Earth.

Wildlife Career Ladder Program: Intern

• I began this program with an internship, I took classes on the biology of animals and towards the end of the year I volunteered in the Animal Departments of the Bronx Zoo. The next year I volunteered to be a public speaker for the public and teach all I had learned the previous year.

• I introduced a positive atmosphere to learn more about animals, how to take care of them and later discovering the career choice I wanted to follow.

• I received two awards for completing the first two years.

Wildlife Conservation Society: Worker

• After participating in the Wildlife Career Ladder program I sought out to work in one of the Animal departments, the Camel Barn. In the barn my job was to clean the animals housing spaces, feed them and assist with the camel rides.
• I introduced a positive and eager atmosphere, and working hard to turn my weakness to strengths.

• I earned star points for my good work ethic.

    EDUCATION

·        High school

     - Graduation date: June 24

horror story

 Dante was a naïve reticent man; he tried to paint a picture of me. Portraying me as a red- horned monster. But the truth is I can be much more. See those levels of hell, aren’t really separated. The game that is meticulously played in my hands. And the prize is me. Forget all you have learned about me, because you will learn all the truth now. I like my job since my sole purpose is to cause pain. See with every crime and sin, pain is the result and I live off it. Because once the pain is caused that’s when I lure my prey out and juggle them in my fingertips. Slowly letting them dance in misery, my own personal puppets. That’s when the game begins. A line of sinners stretch for miles all ready for a big race.
            “Three…two…one!”
              They all charge into level one. Swimming across Acheron, met by the pathetic faces of their victims. Drowned in their own sorrows and guilt for an eternity. See that’s where Dante was wrong in all my levels, I have a special punishment for all my new victims. Some are like me, devious, discernable, fallacious and oblivious, ignoring their conscious. Striding forward. While the weaklings are entangled in their faith. The rest stride on to level two. They all enter a deserted land, nothing but sand. There all are met by pleasures they desired so much when they were alive. Some ignore it wishing for the best prize, continuing past the endless pit. The ones that do stay however are met by a swarm of insects. They slowly eat away at their flesh, creating a pool of everyone’s blood. You would think they would automatically die, but I am a eccentric person and just enjoy causing pain. They lie in eternity, just a skeleton awake as they lie forever in their own blood. Slowly dying as the swarm consumes their heart. Level three approaches; this is when I get creative. My pets guard a stack of luscious food, and after entering hell. Food is a complacent thing. The only thing they have to do is pass my pet. But don’t be deceived he’s not cute and cuddly. He has three heads; his teeth reach past his chin. Their all canine teeth by the way, his claws are machete’s slicing through anything. No one ever passes them, alive. Level four, the lucky ones make it this far. Greed is the name and most of these souls ask for it. The very greed they crave is the source of their death. Riches are usually the objective. They are chained to the walls, fed by my slaves the greed they crave. From money to appliances. Once my slaves get bored, I let them have the zeal of personally removing their lungs, from their body. Level five, a personal favorite there met by Styx. A river that greets them with the hateful life they lived. There is nothing normal about this river since it’s made of sharp teeth that chew threw your body like a piranha. Some see the bridge and the survivors’ trolley on down to level six. They all enter my city, immediately wishing to leave, there met by iron walls. Celled in being pushed against the gates that reach them inch by inch. Spears slicing open their skin and tearing out their organs. Can you believe that some made it to level seven? Well believe it, there persistent. They all hang from trees, while showered with acid over them. And when the rain is over they lie as decorations on my scenery. Some find an alternative and reach level eight. But all they meet are my demons with the cleverest torture devices. Some are torn one limb at a time while others suffer slowly at the wrath of my demons, diligently whipping them into place. Now the last level, level nine. Where the prize lies. The survivors rush to a black hole but what they don’t realize is the black hole is my mouth. They enter my shard abstract glass teeth. As I feast on them for an eternity. So now you know the truth about what I do. Of course it’s not easy since I’m only five.

Book Report

The book is called Long days Journey Into night by Eugene O'Neill. A Long Days Journey Into Night was first published as a Yale Nota Bene book in 2002 and has a total of 177 pages. Yale publisher press first published a Long Days Journey Into Night in 1956. A Long Journeys into Night includes a Foreword by Harold Bloom. The back cover of the book gave me information on the book such as that the book is Eugene O’Neill’s autobiography. One of the characters of this play is James Tyrone, he is the husband of Mary and father of Edmund and Jamie. He has learned to have a strong work ethic since his father abandoned him. Mary Tyrone is James wife, she struggles from a morphine addiction that has lasted for two decades. Throughout the play, she uses morphine and the dosages seem to increase. She at times regrets marrying James because of the dreams she had to let go. Jamie Tyrone is the eldest son of married couple. He is completely supported by his parents, he dropped out of college and spends his money  on alcohol and women.  He has no ambition like his parents. Edmund Tyrone is the younger son, he is like his father and brother in ways he too is an alcoholic. During the play he finds out he has tuberculosis. He is a dreamer and intelligent young man, and this is why out of both their kids Mary has more hope of Edmund becoming successful one day. I liked this book because I felt it was down to earth, it related to some lives of regular people instead of just the traditional rich person. One of the good points is the family’s love they have for one another. The weak points to me are, when Mary relapses from her morphine addiction. I would recommend this book to anyone who would appreciate a good plot from a play.

poems I wrote

Secretly terrified  
It’s hard to say goodbye or walk away
I walk with a grin and my head up high
It’s hard to say hi or say I’m ok
I look at the clouds wishing I could fly

I’m better off without seeing your face
You truly happy and me dead inside
It stings so bad it, it hurts like mace
It’s still hard not to cry at my bedside

I really would like to leave or escape
The very torment that sneaks up on me
Because this was always just a mistake
I often dream on going out to sea

I can’t lie; I can’t get you out my mind
And while we wait I lose you over time

The constant variable
Though I stand here in the rain
The fresh air hits my face
So I really can’t complain
I’m tied down to the earth with lace

Embedded in the ground
As Mother Nature gives me its shot
The earth roaring with sounds
It at times feels like I stand upon a hotspot

No matter the torment of nature here I stand
Through tornado or tsunami I survive
I’m not always the holiest or strongest in the land
But I definitely strive to live

Through love, hate or sorrow on the mountain top I claim
I will always be the same

A Lesson before Dying

The book is called the Lesson before Dying and is written by Ernest J. Gaines. The book has 256 pages and the name of the publisher is Vintage Books. Alfred A. Knopf originally published a Lesson Before Dying in hardcover in 1993. I decided to read this book because it was recommended to me. The main characters are Grant Wiggins, Jefferson, Sheriff Sam Guidry and Tante Lou. 2. Wiggins is the protagonist of the story, he leaves his hometown to seek knowledge when he returns with a new perspective however when he returns the white people still see him as inferior which outrages him. He does not act on this though, as the rage builds up inside him he removes himself from his loved ones. Throughout the book he is helped by fellow members of the community who help change his perspective. He still feels rage towards certain people but learns to love something other then himself. 3. Jefferson has worked at a plantation most of his life. The novel centers around Jefferson’s unjust conviction and his friends’ attempts to help him die with human dignity. His lawyer then compares him to a hog and in return Jefferson begins acting like a hog towards his family and friends. He soon changes with the help of Wiggins, he begins to believe in his own worth. Sheriff Sam Guidry is a white man who voices all the racism, ignorance in the south of the 1940s. he belives his has all the power to yeild however once Jefferson and Wiggins begin to change his strong and ignorant exterior becomes softened. He doesn’t change entirely but he at least starts to show respect for others. Tante Lou is a positive force in Wiggins life she is responsible for the changes in his life. The other minor characters are Miss Emma who is jefeerson grandmother and soon becomes obessed to ensure her grandson dies like a man after his lawyer called hima  hog. Reverend Ambrose is a fiery righteous leader of the black quarters community. Vivian is Wiggins loving girlfriend who is married and is seeking a divorce, her relationship is hidden from her husband. Matthew Antoine is Wiggins school teacher, he dies before the novel begins but his spirit is felt throughout the novel. Paul is the deputy, who is the only character that sympathizes with the black struggle in the south. Henri Pichot  is a stubborn whit man who owns the plantation, he is not bad but refuses to change and enjoys the status quo. Mr. Joseph Morgan is like Pichot but is also a hypocrite because he belives black children deserve education too but belives there place is in the fields, he is the superintendent of the school. The type of book is a novel that takes place in the 1940s in the south. The setting was set in Louisiana. It takes place in a small Cajun community. Grant Wiggins, one of the main characters is a teacher at a plantation. Another character, Jefferson is convicted to death for being the only survivor at a liquor shootout where three men were killed. The jury belived. The jury believed that he was in on the robbery and is therefore responsible for all deaths. During the trail his lawyer compares him to a hog. This comment made Jefferson godmother very upset. She then sought out the help of Grant. She wanted him to become a man before he died. They both eventually grew close and they helped one another grow. The day of Jefferson execution, he lets Grant and his families know he became a man. My final thoughts on the book a Lesson before Dying are that it’s a great book with a capturing plot. I liked this book because of all the obstacles each character faced they learned how to deal with it and move on with their lives. One of the good points of the book is that it teaches a lesson which is to become a man and to stand up for what you believe. One of the weak points of the book for me is the ignorance of some of the characters like the sheriff and Henri Pichot. What I learned from the book is one of the lesson’s which is you need to stand up for what you believe, because it’s important to have your own voice and stand out as an individual. I think I would recommend the book to others who would appreciate a good piece of literature and a few life lessons along the way. 

another book report

   The name of the book is the stranger written by Albert Camus. This book has 123 pages and the publisher is Vintage International. The book was translated from the French by Matthew Ward. Librairie Gallimard first published the book in 1942. The back cover of the book in formed that was published in English in 1946. I also read that Albert Camus was awarded the Nobel Prize in literature. One of the main characters are Meursault, he is seen as an outsider of the world since he is detached from all the sentimental value. When his mother dies he does not grieve, and when a woman falls in love with him he simply does not care. Instead of caring about right and wrong, he is amoral. Towards the end of the book however he finds peace within himself and the society around him. Another main character is Raymond Sintes who is a major part of the novels plot. He basically puts things into motion. After he abuses his mistress he begins to have trouble with her brother who is an Arab. He draws Meursault into the conflict with the Arab, this all leads to Meursault killing another Arab. A minor character of the story was Marie Cardona who was in a relationship with Meursault. Another minor character is Masson, he is one of Raymond’s friends. He invited them to his summer home. This is when the situation with the Arab occurred. The Stranger is a novel. The book takes place in Algeria in the early 1940s. Meursault, one of the main characters is a detached young man. the day after his mother died he started a relationship with another character named Marie, without grieving or anything. People found it very odd that he didn’t show emotion for his own mother. Since he is amoral he helps his friend Raymond to write a letter to his mistress. Raymond wants the mistress to come back so he can punish her more. When they go to their friend, Masson summer home, controversy begins with an Arab. Meursault is soon alone with the Arab and kills him with the gun that belonged to Raymond. Since it seems he’s so cold blooded he is immediately convicted.  He has dreams of him being free while he is in his cell awaiting his execution. In the end, he learns to embrace the fact that human exisistence holds no greater meaning. My final thought on The Stranger, is that it was a little boring at first but after a while I got into the book. And I ended up liking it. It was interesting to read about a character like Meursault. Since he is so indifferent and unusual, I found it refreshing to read about him. What ends up catching me in the end is that Meursault does not want to die. He actually dreams for an appeal. Which is why I find it peculiar yet ravishing to read of. I guess the weak point of the book for me was his indifference towards the people in his life. Meursault embraced an idea that the chaplain told him and he was quite happy with it. I feel that in order to like the book, you need to get into it and to just keep reading, because it takes time getting into. I would recommend this book to patient readers.

a book report

The book I had the pleasure to read was Princess by Jean Sasson. The publisher was Bantam Books edition in 1993. It has 278 pages. This book is a biography of a princess in Saudi Arabia. The book is basically about a life of a Saudi woman who belongs in the royal family but is far from treated “royal”. It describes what she sees, experiences and life lessons she learns about her country. The authors topic was to shine a light on the abuse Saudi woman undergo whether royalty or not. Her main points are brought our by the princess experiences and what she sees. The author’s argument is to not only bring awareness but hopefully one day stop this abuse. The thesis brings out that although the author is telling the story and writing it down its all true that princess sultana faced or saw.  The important conclusion is that the abuse in the country is evident and something should be changed until matters or done with more violently. One chapter that caught my attention was that a father had stoned his daughter to death because she wasn’t appropriately dressed. Another account is how the men are constantly valued and are supposed to be worshipped like gods by the females in their families and if not, abuse kicks in. The author is qualified to write about the subject because she traveled there in the late 1970s alone. She experienced at hand what these women go through for only a period of time. I agree with the author’s arguments and conclusions because just because its not happening in the U.S. doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be our concern. I loved the book it was moving, inspiring and depressing, I however had to constantly remind myself that these stories are actually true. I found the book interesting because it was based on real facts. I would recommend it to others because it is something we all need to know and all should visualize. The impression the book left on me was that it provided me with a deep appreciation of being born here instead of maybe a third world country in which I would face a battle daily on whether or not I would lose my life today. If you’re reading this book you need to take your time and read every part of the book.

I'm so happy right now!

I was once lost but now I'm found. This past years have been hell for me I didn't no what I wanted to do, what my place in the world was and who I was. But these past 10 months have showed me and how wonderful it is to find the answers to these questions. Today I started my day with judgement from my old co-workers, again I felt the hate that one person demonstrated towards me but I didn't care. It didn't matter because I am in such a good place know and no one can knock me down. Besides an awkard start to the day I became an unbaptized publisher today which means I'm going to start preaching now! I will also join the Theocratic ministry school and be closer to my spiritual goals. I hope and pray to be a missionarie one day and hopefully Jehovah can help me get there. It's truly an amazing thing to feel like trash and rise up from that and start fresh. This is what I did, I didn't do drugs or drink but I did things I'm not proud of but it's my past and Jehovah is my future. I'm so glad to finally put my errors behind me and move forward and really work towards being loyal to Jehovah. My heart is filled with joy at this moment because I want to be his servant and I am. This is the truth and this is where one day you may want to be. If you lost a loved one you can find comfort in Jehovah and his promise to ressurect the dead. If your confused about God and who he is, you'll find out he's loving and merciful. His kind and seeks justice and he will never forsake a promise, he's a true friend that you can find no other in this world. He's impartial, which means he's not racist or cruel like any leader. His kingdom will never be brought to ruin. And a paradise earth filled with loyal humans will soon inhabit the earth. I am so glad to say I'm one of jehovah's witnesses from this day forward happiness for serving the true God will get me through any dilemma, ailment, opposition, persecution and whatever may come my way. Today is the beginning of my life serving you Jehovah!

My dreams changed.

I spent the day with my cousin and her children. It felt nice to interact with them, I missed them so much and it was wonderful to see them. Justin is so big and so smart, at first I thought he would be part of the streets like his mother. But I see hope in his eyes now, he is beautiful on the inside and out. I feel so bad that he was played the cards of life that he was given. That's what life is all about though. I played with him today in the jungle gym and it was quite nice to do so with a kid I once didn't like. Jamar is stuck to his mother's hip and seems like he will do whatever his mom wants or tells him to. Which isn't the best influence in his life. I also played with him although it was for a brief moment. Jessica is big but it seems she still has the same mindset as she did a couple of years ago. She's eight years old and her main concern is being a second parent for her brothers. Her mother uses her as a maid and it's disturbing how her education is being shot out the door along with her future. While playing with all three of them I realized how I may want kids in the future. I always thought about it but never imagined it. While I played with them I could also see myself doing that in the future. I could actually see myself as a mom today and it felt nice. Of course I have to get married before but it was just a nice concept to dream of. The thing is I know what I want my life to be like. I would like to be a missioranie and preach God's kingdom message where the need is greater. I know I'm far from that spiritual goal but it's still worth something dreaming about that's why I never thought about having a family. I'm not sure but I know whatever happens Jehovah will bless my efforts to serve him and hopefully I can have everything I Dream about one day. Doing his will I know it's not impossible. One day though if I can I want to change their lives, give them something better than what they have know, this I have to do.

Special assembly day :)

Today was an awesome day I attended a special assembly day that had a theme of "Let God's will take place." I loved all the talks that were given I felt each talk I could apply it to my own life. Besides the assembly day I noticed one trait that is evident in the organization, love. The brothers and sister have so much love for those who are young, old, middle age. They even demonstrate love to those they don't know for long, this is a good thing to see and feel because if there is no love in your household you can retrieve it from the kingdom hall. Anyways throughout the whole day seven questions were answered. The first one is what is as important as doing God's will and the answer is really to apply what we learn from the bible, meetings and associations. We also need to be willing to dig deep down to understand the kingdom message, one scripture that I like was Luke 6:46-49, it really talks about how to build a sturdy and stable house it needs foundation so if the water try's to knock the house down it will not because it was built right. But if a house isn't built on foundation then it will crumble when the water hits it, this scripture is basically talking about our spirituality and how we need to keep it firm and strong so Satan (the water) doesn't knock us down. The second question was how can we go perceiving God's will for us? The way we can do this is by doing our own research on God's word in the bible, magazines, books etc. By showing trust and love for him we show that were willing to do his will. The third piont is making decisions that are based on his will, I find this the hardest to do but I know Jehovah will bless my efforts. The fourth question is why do we Need to be willing to reach all sorts of men? In order to preach you need to pray for jehovah's will to bending and we need to be impartial like Jesus and Jehovah are. We can all benefit by this by putting into practice what Ephesians 5:1 has to say. The fifth question is how can I have a rich and satisfying life? We can start by not living in the desires of men and making descisions using the knowledge of Jehovah. The sixth question was directed for the youth and what do we need to prove to Jehovah. We need to show him that we really want to serve him whole- souled. Matthew 6:33 is the prime objective that all the youth should have in mind. The seventh question is what rewards come from doing Gods will, they're are many but only three were covered. It was having the privilege to serve God, helping people to know him and gain anrelationship with him and the last one was closefriendships that we make and in the truth. The last question asked why is it urgent that we build and encourage others? and simply put we don't want any brother or sister to give up espiacially since the end is near. It was truly an assembly I'm proud I attended, I know now that I am on the right path of being jehovah's servants and it truly makes me proud.

Kids of washington ave and punham.

So I’m helping my grandmother, because she fell in the street and she does this little job of picking up some kids from school. I do not mind helping her I would do anything for her but what I hate is the neighborhood it’s on the other side of the Bronx and is extremely ghetto.  Violence is everywhere and I thought to myself what a shame it would be to grow up here, thinking this is what the world has to offer. Having to make difficult choices of who you’re going to be from childhood, 2 out of 3 isn’t a promising future. I can’t complain about my childhood it was pretty good I’ve been able to see what the world has to offer sadly some of these kids cannot. I was walking a kid home yesterday and what he said will probably stick with me forever, he said “my mom doesn't let me walk home alone because people are always doing drugs and causing trouble." As i walked him into the building I saw for myself what he sees every day. Other children from the group are growing up faster because they need to watch out for their siblings and protect themselves, this my mother did very well. She gave us our childhood, she wanted us to be children and enjoy those wonderful brief years. Although my sister became ill and was diagnosed with diabetes at seven I still think she enjoyed it too. My mother provides us with what we need like a true mother, although we live in the projects she still has managed to transform the apartment, making it look like someone important lived there. She made it look pretty decent although in a budget. My heart goes out to these kids though, all they see is a world that’s corrupt and they think it will not change. The kids and parents display endurance to the maximum. I just do not like how they have to endure the world at such a young age. It’s not fair to them. Their is another little girl who will always have a fragment of my heart. Although the rest of my family views her as troublesome and probably broken to the terrible parenting her mother shows her. When I first held her she was just a baby and I think she was the first baby face i remembered. She was beautiful and had eyes that gleamed, know she acts out and screams at people as if it was conversation. But I will never forget her and how innocent she was and one day it simply vanished. However when were alone I feel like I have a side of her no one else does, she lets me inside and it feels amazing. Granted she can be annoying, but that’s what she knows that’s what she was taught. Innocence is something that no longer exists anymore, once a baby is born a year later or two it’s all gone. I can even see it leave some of the kids I’m helping my grandmother pick up. Their fresh and rude at such a young age but it’s not their parents fault, their struggling to make ends meet and provide them with all they can. Their doing the best they can and their best sadly is not enough.  

50/50

So I saw the movie 50/50 today and it was beyond awesome. It was sad yet hilarious, a perfect combination of both. Joseph gordon levitt was brilliant and very handsome throughout it all. Seth rogen was his usual self, sarcastic yet a different side was shown to him as well. It was about a young man who had cancer and suffered but who was able to overcome all trails and even beat the cancer. It was worth the money and Trip to watch. I wonder how does it feel to know death can happen to you out of no where. I know a person's world can collapse and unravel but what must go through their mind. It's something that I always wondered about, I guess since my grandmother died of cancer, I wondered what was she thinking about at those last moments. or have you ever thought about What a mentally person might be thinking, like what goes through their mind. What do they think about daily and what goes through their mind when they face their family. It's something I always think about but hopefully I will never have the answer. I'm sure it has probably crossed minds. See doctors can come up with all the medicine they want to but none of these break through can have a solution for death. All they really do is pro- long a persons suffering. I guess if I were ever to be in the position that I was sick or facing death I wouldn't fight it. Because I know in the future I would be provided for a chance of everlasting life so why would I allow myself to suffer pain when I can live forever later in the future. Hopefully I woudnt have to go through this but if I do I guess this would be my death wish. So far in my life I've had opportunities that could change my life dramatically or better my life. In every aspect you have to go two ways in life and I know when I'm on my death bed the 50% chance isnt suffering but realize of it.

The zoo

I can't belive I'm going to say it but I miss working. The idea of working hard for your money is rewarding. Yet I quit my job this summer. You see I used to work in the camel barn at the Bronx zoo and I loved it until I realized I hated it. My co-workers were cool and although they were older than me I still had good times with them. I remember in the summer of 2010 is when I started working, it was amazing I was surrounded by animals and by "friends" I guess it was a good summer overall. I made new friends had new experiences, lost some friends and started my senior year a little wild. But that's another story. Anyways I thought I want to do this for the rest of my life, while my mother ridiculed me for saying I would pick up crap during my life, at the moment I didn't care I thought I had found my calling. I spent the rest of the year working when the season was over I expressed an eagerness to return for the next season and I did. I wish I didn't though, things seemed to be diffrent this time around. I found myself hating being there and I didn't know why. I soon realized my so called friends at work didn't like the choices I was taking so were shunning me for that. I honestly don't care what people think of me but when they started telling lies to my boss as if to get me fired upset me. I thought to myself I shoudnt have come back and I should have stayed with the memory of that eventfull summer. Yet I didn't I spent most of my summer working in a place I grew to hate. So I quit and it wasn't hard at all. But I still miss it, because although the people were twoface I miss the animals and the idea of working for them and being like a parent. That's what the job required really to care for and look after the animals. I certainly did that, I guess things are only fun while they last. I miss working in the zoo I just don't miss the camel barn. I miss working with animals but I don't miss the people. I like working I'm good at delegintly working. But what do I do with my life, I honestly don't know, I thought I had it figured out but I'm not sure anymore. And the ironic part is that I'm not worried I know I'll be fine with whatever I do unless there are two face people in which I despise.

Blah.

Memories are a funny concept really, you strive to hold on to a special time in your life. But without realizing it's slips through your very fingers. If not now, then later when life take's it's course into adulthood or the elderly stage. Or a memory that strikes fear in your heart and a running chill down your spine. Those memories never seem to leave your side, all the pain, sorrow and suffering follows you around but those memories worth holding onto slip away like dust in the wind. Lately I've been trying to remember, really remember fragments of my life. However even events that occured a year ago are difficult to account for. My childhood feels like decades ago, only little pieces I can remember. Like how every so often I would sit on the steps with my dad infront of our building, and I would always greet him with a sandwich. I do not remember what we talked about or any specific details I just remember those steps. Yet the trials he put me through will haunt me till the day I die. Or how I would play hide and seek in the dark with my cousins, how we laughed when every time they found me underneath the bed, crying because one of my cousins had a scary mask on. As I grew up I found comfort within them and a sense of security, I always told myself they were my best friends and will always be. Ironically I haven't spoken to two of my cousins in years and the other disspionments me on the spot by her actions. Even when I do remember the good times, they're stand still pictures. A glimpse of what was, it's never the full thing. Just a picture sliding by as if it's in a gallery. I do not know why I want to remember everything, but what puzzles me is that I can't. A mind can deteriotae so fast, in a snap of a second your memories beloved or not are gone. I guess if I were to have a fear it would be this, not being able to control my brain from eventually stop functioning. Life is viewed as short so the big suggestion is to do what you want and take risks, however why live a life your not proud of and be burdened with memories of those times. The brain is pretty amazing yet it isn't, at the end of life or right in the beginning of it giant trains stop us in our tracks. boulders crush our deems and fears overwhelm us consuming the very good of you. I have one memory in mind right now, one I wish I can take back all I can do is hope and pray the memory won't be relived through someone else in the future.

Movies and tv shows that are worthy of your time.

Movies:
1. X-men: all of these movies are filled with action, hot people and romance. There is never a dull moment and changes are amazing to watch.
2. Transformers: although I'm not that crazy for the first two movies because Megan fox is in it, but the plot is pretty good despite the bad acting. The third one however is really good, the acting and the plot both make up for the last two movies.
3. Inception: I was highly surprised, you have to pay attention to understand it but it's so deep that once it ends you will want to see it again. Besides all the jokes behind the movie it's nothing you've ever seen before.
4. Up: I'm a sucker for cartoon movies, so when I saw this movie I was surprised that it came from Disney, it's actually innocent and sweet. Its a movie worth showing to your children that won't corrupt their minds.
5. Seven pounds: it's a movie that isn't like any other, they take you on a journey that shows the good in man.
6. The pianist: it's a diffrent turn on the torture the people in the concentration camps went through, that focuses on one person and his experience.
7. The notebook: it's a complete cliche for a girl, but it's a love story like no other and is worth watching no matter who you are.
8. Vantage piont: the movie is different aspect of a shooting that occurs and the events that lead down to it.
9. Death to a funeral: it's a funny interperatation of something that should be sad.
Tv shows
1. How I met your mother : a great comedy to watch and enjoy hen you need to.
2. The big bang theory: a funny comedy that is completely new.
3. Bones: a good crime investigation show.
4. Law in order special victims unit: a good crime show that sends chills down your spine.
5. Modern family
6. Happy endings

Rant 2

So my mom was watching the news and shared with us how a teenager beat up an elderly man. He was severly beaten and had serious injuries, they even showed a video of the attack. People have no respect anymore they beat anyone they please. One day I was walking in my grandmothers neighood and a boy was approaching his mother as to hit her and his friends had to hold him back.If I were to hit my mother or even attempt I would be dead on the floor. I don't understand why people are he becoming more self obessed and having no respect for the people in their life. It's a terrible thing to know that we live in a world like this and I hate it, no one does anything about anything and if they do it's not a permeant solution. But what is there to be done? We live in a world that is generally selfish. People are raised to think only of themselves and forget the people in this big world. There's a time for everything, sometimes you have to be selfish when making decisions but not all the time. People also don't even respect The title a person has. Like the kid who beat up an old man, I'm sure he has a grandfather and he probably loved him so why would he hypothetically hurt someone else's grandfather. I just don't understand people as I wish I did.

A random rant.

Have you ever stood in the rain like really stood there. It's like everything stops and your just left there standing looking at clips of your life in a big screen. Speechless you can't help but smile and think I've made some bad decisions but I've made some pretty good ones. At the moment everything is clear and life seems simple and easy. This is a lie though life isn't simple and easy, although one moment may seem that it is. Life honestly sucks, as the human race were failing as wives, husbands, children, leaders etc. Were Hurting the planet we live in and the people on it. The majority uses the expression " it's because were imperfect." is this really necessary? Even if you don't have faith it's a fact that were imperfect but why should we use it as an excuse? My faith assures me we will be growing into perfection on a paradise earth in the future. But the reason I refuse to use the "I'm imperfect" expression is because one day I will be perfect and be given the choice to be loyal to God or not. So if I sin or decide to be disobedient to God, what can I say then. I can't say anything because I'll be perfect and I won't have an excuse. So it's pouring this time and the water is frezzing cold but a hint of warmth when it hits your body. Instead of pictures flashing through your head, silence is abundant. Your heart beat slows down and peace comes over you. Tears begin to Slide your cheeks and at that wonderful moment, hope is restored. There's a bright light at the end of The tunnel that wasn't there before. From that moment on things get better, there is no urge to cry or suffer. This is why I love the rain, I'm probably over analyzing it But there are moments when I've felt this way when a raindrop has fallen on me. it's crazy and hard to explain but I don't view it as sadness or despair. It's like a big hug and " your ok champ" From the universe. I love nights like these where all I hear is the raindrops clash with objects.

My bucket list.

1. Get baptized
2. Make it to Patterson( it's A school where you help with the orginazation work, such as publishing literature.)
3. Become a missionary.
4. Run through a cornfield at sunset.
5. Swim with dolphins.
6. Ride a horse.
7. Get married and have kids, preferably a girl and a boy.
8. Go And swim at the beach during the night.
9. Go to chile, Australia, Hawaii, africa and Alaska. (dream vacations and places where I want to live or help out in.)
10. Spend a whole day in bed.
11. Leave the Bronx. (I don't like the city I prefer the countryside.)
12. Meet my aunt in chile, and the rest of my family.
13. Save a life, doesn't matter if it's human or animal.
14. Take a photo of myself everyday for a year and make a fast clip of them.
15. Learn to play the drums.
16. Go on an epic roadtrip with close friends.
17. Have a water ballon fight in the house.
18. Learn how to change the oil and tires in my car.
19. Sleep on a waterbed.
20. Teach my son how to throw.
21. Teach my daughter how to play nice games.
22. Watch cartoons with my kids and still enjoy it.
23. Teach my kids to play the piano.
24. Pray for Angelica and manny when I can.
25. Lie on the road and rush to get up when a car comes.
26. Make it through college.
27. Learn to draw.
28. Learn to crochet.
29. Have a rocking chair or a porch.
30. Never do a blog again.

23.

Note to future self.

Most importantly I hope your faith hasn't wavered. You have had some struggles in the past but it's behind you. Continue to move forward and never look back. I also hope your happy and that your life hasn't become the opposite of your dreams. Lesson one never underestimate the power a person can have on you, including friendships. Never be prepared to offer the clothes on your back, to someone who doesn't really care about you. If this happens acknowledge that you need to change your outlook on this person. They will never live up to your standards. Which leads me into Lesson Two, you have high expectations of people, change that. Were all imperfect so stop putting high expectations on people. Lesson three you better have all the pets you always wanted, from dogs to ferrets. Go crazy and have a zoo in your house, but not lunatic like an animal hoarder. Lesson four you are one patient person so I hope as you age you gain more patience, your going to need it. Your family is crazy but you love them anyway, don't give up on them especially your dad and sister. You don't have the best relationships with them but never give up on them. You love them despite their flaws so continue to work on your relationships with them. Lesson five, stay true to yourself. Let yourself age gracefully. No matter what anyone says, wrinkles are beautiful. Never cut your hair unless it starts to thin then you can cut it. Lastly I hope you make it to Paterson and become a missionary, I hope you traveled around the world and If you haven't you have paradise for that.

What if?

I have the heart of a little girl, sometimes. So one childish thing that will always stick with me is fairy tales. I've always wondered who's my prince and when he will come for me. When things didn't work out between someone I always blamed them, and never wanted to see their faces again but I actually want to hug them now. It always crosses my mind what if? What if I had said yes or what if I pursued that blind date? What if I never gave up? And at the end of these thoughts I'm happy I can say nothing ever happened. They ended up with broken hearts, losing themselves or lost respect they had for themselves. I still ask what if? And I still daydream about my prince but the truth is I want him to take his time to get to me. I want him to be proud of me, so for now I'll continue to wonder.

So this is what happiness feels like!

Today this brother from a visiting congregation gave a beautiful talk. He described how prayer to Jehovah is necessary, and it's something we can't live without. It's a bond that we form with Jehovah by constantly praying to him. The watchtower study was amazing as well, it showed how even the perfect couple and israelites disobeyed God and it demonstrated how important obedience is in God worship. If you haven't caught it by now I'm a Jehovah's witness and I'm proud to follow him. Every day has its struggles but knowing that I have a close friend to pour out my heart to at night makes me rejoice. I know this is the right path and although it's all new to me, I can't help but have a peaceful mind because I know I've been blessed to be surrounded by my congregation. Their what I needed to realize the way I was living was tiresome and unfulfilling. I can't wait to start preaching the good news and to be baptized and live my life for Jehovah.

My dream home

I always dreamed of moving out of my moms house when I turned eighteen, I'm eighteen now and thoughts of that are coming up again. My relationship with my mom is better than it's been for years, I just have my reasons for wanting to leave. When I do leave I want something small and simple. Somewhere I can walk into and be myself, I want every room painted a diffrent color. So that everytime I walk into a room all I see is part of the rainbow and when I leave to go in another room I see another part. I would like a fire escape next to my window so whenever I need to escape the solitude I can walk on up to the roof and see the city thrive. This is one part of my dream home, the home I see in my dreams is one that awaits me in the future. I don't know when I'll be able to have the home of my dreams but I'm in no rush, I can wait. For now I'll just keep dreaming.

College life.

I think I'm finally getting used to being a college student. Once I attended my first class I thought this isn't for me and what does my future hold if I drop out of college? However I think I was just scared, I'm not that fond of change. Especially since all I did this summer was change, it's taken me a while to get used too but I can sincerely say I'm happy. I've come a long way since highschool and although I made some serious sacrifices I know there for the better. I can't wait to start the simple life I had always dreamed of. I know I'll get used to college life it will just take me longer than most students, I guess. However I'm just going for my education and that's it, I just need to keep my eyes on the prize and I know I will succeed.